I wrote thirty poems in April. Though I’m not sure how I found the time, those moments of concentration on language, emotion, and image were the tow rope that pulled me through one of the most (creatively) challenging Aprils in recent memory. I made no progress on my novel. I dipped into some short story edits now and then. I’ve been so exhausted, and the time I am able to make for this work is so limited I feel like I am trying to build a house out of pine needles.
Those thirty hand-written poems kept me rooted in this work, provided an outlet for some ideas and feelings that were scratching at the door, banging on the walls. Now it’s May, and summer is around the corner. Chris and I pumped up our bike tires for our daily ride to work as part of our city’s Bicycle Community Challenge. We’ve been doing this event for several years now, and if you haven’t hopped on a bike on a warm spring day recently, I recommend it. There is nothing quite like riding with no hands through the neighborhood, to transcend time and take you back to a younger you who was more accustomed to just enjoying the ride.
I’ve got a three-night retreat coming up this month, where I hope to sink back into my novel-in-progress and other projects I back-burnered in my burnout and despair. It arrives just in time to rev me up for a summer in which I plan to make like writing is my full-time job. I’ve even drafted a schedule. So, I’m hopeful.
But these months of low output have also taken their toll. I’ve circled around the usual existential questions. Why am I agonizing so much over a practice that I don’t need to feed my family? Should I be taking it as a sign in over thirty years of practice that I’ve only got a humble publication history to speak of? I have former students doing better at this than I am. Maybe the universe is telling me to quit. But, true to form, I am still stubbornly sticking with that sandcastle I started (and will not give up on), even though the walls keep coming down and the tide is coming in. If I quit, I could sleep in longer, read more books, and get into passive hobbies, like jigsaw puzzles or bird-watching.
I’ve been choosing titles for this newsletter from found lines from poems and this one comes from a book of spiritual verse I carry in my yoga bag and read while I’m waiting for class to start. It’s Lucretius, from The Nature of Things (translated by A.E. Stallings). I chose it for this post because when I read it this morning in class it was exactly what I needed to hear in answer to my fears that my capacity to persist in this creative work might be waning. I read it and it reminded me of the Maya Angelou quote: “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” It reminded me that while my work has not been exactly flowing, I have been showing up. And these periods of drag are a necessary part of it all. I need only to trust in the regenerative nature of art and keep doing the best I can. That is what success looks like. The rest is beside the point.
Small Things That Have Been Bringing Me Joy
- Pulling weeds from my garden. I feel so in control!
- Reading So Far Gone aloud, with Chris. The characters are so good, and it’s funny and great to read aloud!
- Riding my bike
- Observing which flowers are blooming now. At the moment, the rhodies are being such show-offs! My lilacs burst into bloom a week ago. The peonies are next up.
Found Sentences from What I’ve Been Reading
“Being physically present in one place while your mind is in another is loneliness.” Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino
A Writing Prompt for May
Write something on the theme for the first edition of the new literary magazine I’m planning to launch next Winter: Why worry? More information here.
Reflection on April Goals
Thirty poems feels so freaking great!
My May Goals
- Make a writing schedule for summer
- Get some momentum on stalled projects
- Show up every day; let go of the results
Reflection Question for Your Creative Practice
What will you writing practice look like this summer? Is there a spot outside you’d like to claim as you outdoor writing desk? What hours will you commit to writing, and on what days? What will you do in the in between times, to cultivate playfulness and joy?
I also work as a writing coach and love helping writers gain confidence, set goals, and develop their work. I was a writer first, but I’ve been teaching for over twenty-five years. Coaching weaves those two skill sets in a way that I love, love, love. I work with writers locally and over Zoom. For more information on coaching, email me at eatyourwords.lizshine@gmail.com or see my website.
You can see my books here and read some of my short works here.
Looking for any of the books I’ve mentioned here? Order through my Bookshop.org affiliate page to support me and my local bookstore!